So my surgery is coming up and I’m not gonna lie…I’m a little nervous. I’m a little…bit of an over thinker so I figured I’d get my fears out there so I can face them and get over it. I’m sure you guys think these same thoughts before surgery so maybe you guys can relate.

 Rosanna’s List of Fears Before Her ACL Surgery

1. What if there’s a zombie attack while I’m under? Will the doctor save me or will he dip out? Will the zombies already think I’m dead since I’m asleep and opened up? What if the doctor dips, but right before the zombies come to attack me Chuck Norris pops up OUTTA nowhere and saves me? Is he packing heat? What if I’m gonna have to help kill the zombies with Chuck? I don’t know how to work a gun. What if I Plaxico myself? OH Plaxico…he outta jail yet?

2. What if I die? How is Kevin Hart gonna figure out that we’re meant to be? *sigh* Oh Kevin. I care about you. If only I had written that letter to you sooner. Damn I was only gonna tell you my I’m available on Wednesdays and Saturdays…my plan wouldn’t have worked anyway. If I make it I’m gonna write you that letter. No worries.

3. What if my hamstring is superpower strong and my new ACL gives me super hops? How is my right knee going to compensate? Will I have to jump on one knee forever? Does that mean I have to fight crime now cause I’m a superhero? That’s a lot of pressure. What’s gonna be my superhero name? Should I just use Rosanimal? That’s kinda badass already. Decisions…decisions…

4. What if the anesthesia puts me in such a deep sleep and I finally become so relaxed that my body subliminally remembers it? Will I wake up and never be hyper again? Will I become so relaxed I’ll actually talk less than I do now? Is that even possible? Cause I’m probably one of the most quiet people I know. I’m just going to have to talk that much more now. I’m sure it’ll all work out.

5. Should I take an item for good luck? What item should it be? My handy dandy pimp cane? My belt I won in my first MMA tournament? My casino chip I kept from the hotel where I tried out for The Ultimate Fighter? Tough decisions. There can only be one. Kinda like that movie with Jet Li. Damn what if Chuck Norris AND Jet Li shows up if zombies attack while I’m under? Ah the possibilities…

Man…I feel so much better. Totally sure everyone feels the same way before surgery. I’ll be fine. Roll Tide.

Sincerely,
Rosanna “Rosanimal” Garcia

I actually showed this post to my friend before I put it up. And her response was so hilarious that I’m putting it up too. Thanks Jessie

Jessie’s Response to My Epic ACL Surgery Fears

1. I’ve never thought about zombie attacks, but with recent events in FL, it may now be a concern for me if I ever need surgery. We can now share this fear…

2. If you die I promise to remind Kevin everyday how you were meant to be together.

3. Superpower hamstrings?? Sweet Jesus! If you have one superpower hamstring, the other will sure catch up. And then you’ll have major superhops with both legs. Imagine the dance moves you could come up with! Sweet!!!

4. You will remain hyper. No amount of anesthesia will ever be strong enough to change you. You actually may have some awesome anesthsia dreams and then blog about it later. Maybe you’ll dream about the zombies and the superpower hamstring or Kevin…ok don’t blog about the Kevin dreams. May be inappropriate…yet funny.

5. Good luck item. I like it. Take the chip and the pimp cane. One for good luck and one for “medical reasons”. You need to pimp walk to the bathroom after your surgery and you can only get the appropriate support via pimp cane. The chip you can sneak into the hospital bed under your pillow so it can be wheeled into surgery with you. However they will be moving you from the bed to the operating table so make sure you grab it so you don’t lose it.